Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crao from anybody.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fists.
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's Fists and Feet.
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris only has one member, and that member is way more than enough to bring balance to the Force.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ***, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living hell out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Once, Chuck Norris pee'd of the side of a bridge and accidently hit an 18 wheeler. This 18 wheeler is today known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a ninja so hard, his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire. At night.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won.
he original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
What was the last thing going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
One day, Chuck Norris ate an atomic bomb, and several hours later, used the bathroom. Today, we call this phenomenon "Global Warming".


The best ones I could find on the internet and could remember. Add any more you can think of, if you want.

Added:
When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't know there are jokes about him, if he did, they wouldn't exist.
Jesus can walk on water. Chuck can swim on land.
Chuck Norris got angry 2 times in his life. People call that World War I and II.
The quickest way to a mans heart is through chuck norris' fist.
If at first you don't succeed, you aren't Chuck Norris
Chuck norris died 3 years ago.the grim reaper just hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him yet.
There is no natural selection.only a list of animals chuck norris lets live.
The best part of waking up is knowing chuck norris hasn't killed you in your sleep.
There is no chin under chuck norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once tried losing to see how it felt. He couldn't do it.
The government was working on a new project. They would take pictures of him flexing and drop hem from air.It would have worked but the researchers died first.
Chuck Norris doesn't run; late he decides what time it is.
When Chuck Norris gets cold, he turns up the sun.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a rattle snake.and after 3 days of excruciating pain the rattle snake died.
Curiousity didn't kill the cat, Chuck Norris did. Every single one of them.
On Chuck Norris's birthday, he chooses one lucky person to be thrown in the sun.
Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, bullets dodge him.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street the cars have to look both ways.
The order of the universe is time, space, Chuck Norris, I'm kidding...Chuck Norris is first.
God created man, Chuck Norris created God.
Chuck Norris first worked as a paperboy, there were no survivors.
Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris's computer doesn't have a ctrl button, Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When Chuck Norris comes at you with a gun, he doesn't kill you, you kill yourself.
Chuck Norris doesn't cry when he cuts an onion, the onion cries when he cuts him.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of suprise.
Chuck Norris has a pet kitten..........every night for a snack.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Blackjack with only one card.

the quickest way to a mans heart is through chuck norris' fist.
If at first you don't succeed you aren't chuck norris
chuck norris died 3 years ago.the grim reaper just hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him yet.
there is no natural selection.only a list of animals chuck norris lets live.
the best part of waking up is knowing chuck norris hasn't killed you in your sleep.
there is no chin under chuck norris' beard.there is only another fist.
chuck norris once tried losing to see how it felt.he couldn't do it.
the government was working on a new project.they would take pictures of him flexing and drop them from air.It would have worked but the researchers died first.
chuck norris doesn't run late he decides what time it is.
when chuck norris gets cold he turns up the sun.

remembered another one
jesus can walk on water,chuck norris can swim through dry land.

[you took most of them ace these were the ones I had left]

I just tried to get the funniest ones. Did you like them?

one of the funniest things I have seen in the forums

chuck norris was once bitten by a rattle snake.and after 3 days of excruciating pain the rattle snake died.

[I didn't want to edit the first again]

Curiousity didn't kill the cat, Chuck Norris did. Every single one of them.
On Chuck Norris's birthday, he chooses one lucky person to be thrown in the sun.
Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, bullets dodge him.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street the cars have to look both ways.
The order of the universe is time, space, Chuck Norris, I'm kidding...Chuck Norris is first.
God created man, Chuck Norris created God.
Chuck Norris first worked as a paperboy, there were no survivors.
Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris's computer doesn't have a ctrl button, Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When Chuck Norris comes at you with a gun, he doesn't kill you, you kill yourself.
Chuck Norris doesn't cry when he cuts an onion, the onion cries when he cuts him.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of suprise.
Chuck Norris has a pet kitten..........every night for a snack.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Blackjack with only one card.


(By the way theres a another old Chuck Norris jokes topic on page 5 of the general chat section.)

I added all of you guys' jokes to my first post, for those too lazy to scroll down, or get to the next page if it goes that far.