#3
by Eclipse55
Uncle Lucifer.
Uncle Lucifer was fun to be with. He had 22 different personalities; however, all of them were unpleasant. He once claimed the most difficult thing he ever did was taking a sh** in a phone booth without removing his overcoat. Uncle Lucifer also hunted deer. However, he wouldn't kill the deer; he would chase it down and suck all the grizzle out of its neck through a Donald Duck straw. He was present at the Jones Town Massacre. But he didn't drink the Kool-Aid. Instead, he lay down and pretended to be dead, and then when everyone left he got up and looted the corpses. His hobby was visiting graveyards in poor neighborhoods and guessing which people had had the worst lives. He died in Switzerland after getting torn apart by a pack of Cape Hunting dogs.